What does it mean to really listen?

I always considered myself to be an excellent listener. I was able to usually repeat back what someone said to me, people feel like I was present in a conversation with them, and I was always able to tell them exactly how to solve whatever issue it was they were having. Doesn't that make me a good listener? I thought it did. Then I found out that the only thing I had been listening to my whole life was that voice in the back of my head that was so busy coming up with a response, answer, solution, or defensive stance that I was never really 100% present in a conversation.

I took an educational course this past weekend and another one in July which gave me a very clear awareness of what it would be like to actually listen to another person. www.landmarkeducation.com for those interested in what I did. Well it's one thing to 'get it' and another to actually put it into action. Since I have committed to living an extraordinary life(see 1st post below) I was now responsible for putting this new understanding into action. My first attempts were adequete at best, but this isn't a sprint, so I acknowledge my initial efforts as they were a definite improvement over the past.

And then something extraordinary happened. I actually had a conversation in which I became fully present. For the first time, I realized how little I had actually been listening in my life. And that conversation happened today with my Mom. For those who don't know my Mom, she is an amazing person. She is bright, insightful, loving, caring, great energy and has an amazing smile that puts people at ease . Of course most of these traits I never really recognized before. I was too busy making her wrong, preparing to make her wrong, being angry, placing blame, or simply completely shutting any communication off between us. (Why? See blog below. This one is about listening.) I had planned to spend the day with her today and have a real heart to heart conversation. A conversation about everything. My life, my work, our relationship, and pretty much anything else she wanted to discuss. Sounds simple to some, but most people don't know the pre-enlightened Eric(picture glowing aura & white robe now). I was never willing to open myself up to really hearing what she or anyone else had to say who I felt wasn't going to tell me what I wanted to hear. And though I knew that, I thought that was an acceptable way to live. I had outwardly set boundaries around what we could and could not discuss. Talk about lack of inspiration.
And then today, finally, I just got off it. I created a space for us to discuss anything. At first, I sat there and was open to listening. I started hearing something I didn't want to hear and I felt my walls going up. My Mom was great in pointing out how my demeanor had changed, which I didn't even recognize at all. And then we got into deeper conversations. At points along our talk, I noticed my walls attempting to go up, not wanting to hear something. But I shared that experience with her and was empowered by that sharing to let my guard down. And then it happened. That unbelievably magical experience that had me in a state of pure presence. I completely stopped interpretting, analyzing, judging and adding meaning to what she was saying and I simply listened. Wholeheartedly listened to her. The voice in my head completely shut its yapper for a while. I listened without the fear of what she was saying, without fear of the outcome, without being protective. I let her in. I let her actually make a contribution to me through her sharing of her thoughts. And it was one of the most incredible highs that I can remember having. And I actually got something out of what she said. I heard her. And she shared more things which I would have shut her down for in the past as well, and got some great advice from someone who has always been there the whole time for me, but from whom I wouldn't allow to receive. And in that conversation, things shifted. She came away knowing she had a relationship with her son back, comfortable that he was open to a new level of communicating. I walked away with a newfound appreciation of who my Mom is. She loves me so much and that means so much to me. And I am finally letting her love me. And I gained so much of this because I finally chose to listen. I let go of the fear of looking bad, and I got over the standard reaction of defensiveness. And I gained SO much from opening up that I look forward to being an incredible listener with everyone I come in contact with in my life. I leave this day feeling very moved. Today was another extraordinary day.